Which way to go?

So it's been a few days since I have written and I hate that. I got so much enjoyment out of it, I wish I could do it more. This is really the only thing that is mine.

The 4th weekend is coming. No real plans going on. My BIL is throwing a party but he's 20, young and stupid so you figure it out. I'm just tired! I want to sleep but with two babies that's just not possible. I LOVE being a mom, I really do. I just want a day of sleep. No responseablity of life, kids, bills I can't pay. A day of nothing. That would be amazing. Could you imagine?



So, things between Dh and I are ok at the moment. We're suppose to be "starting over" working on building a better foundation sense our last one went to crap. It's a very hard thing and I'm the one that has to do most of the changing. I have to remove the anger and resentment for where our lifes are right now. For all of his short comings. It's a very hard thing to do. There's 3 yrs worth in me. You can't just write them away. I need to do something. I mean last week we were talking about seperating but neither of us had a place to go. So now we have trying this. Will it work? do i want it to work? Most of me says yes I do. The other part says no. I look at my boys, mostly Dylan (sense he's the oldest) and how much he loves his daddy. He's a great dad. I could't imagain having to no have him around for Dylan. It would crush him. Dylan loves his daddy so much. I am going to give this my best shot, I hope anyway. We've been together for so long and have been through so much that I don't understand why it's so hard for us. It's really all about the money and the lack of him understand life as a family.



Anyway, I gotta run back to work I go.